What do you do when you wake up from a 10-year-long depressive episode? I’m not sure what it is, whether it’s the changes in my medications (I’m on hormonal birth control for the first time since 2011, and the first time ever in combination with an antidepressant), or just the fact that I’m short one giant, life-sucking cyst, but I’ve had more energy and felt more… alive? than any other time in recent memory.
I’m also thinking a lot about next year. Putting together my schedule, rustling up gigs, the usual. Reflecting on the things I did or didn’t do this year. Figuring out how to take care of myself, which is a constant learning experience.
This shamrock (or are they clubs?) dress, and the photos you see here all came from Kira Cahill at Dead Girls Vintage. Kira lives in New Orleans now (A city I was attempting to find an excuse to visit, but alas, I didn’t get into the show for which I applied), but when she was still in Chicago, we worked together a few times, me modeling a selection of her vintage wares, she shooting and styling.
I always really enjoyed shooting with her, and not just because she paid us in vintage clothes! (See also: how I came to own this dress)
I think, sometimes, it’s too easy to get bogged down in the minutia of everyday life. Easy to find reasons why things can’t be finished, or why it isn’t the right time for something, or why something should wait until you have more skills, or are skinnier, or feel arbitrarily better about yourself for some reason or other.
I’m trying to remind myself that the best time to do things is right now. Before the creeping entropy gets any closer.
Also, I look at these photos, and I just really miss warm weather.
Oh, and if you’ve made it this far, congratulations. I also started a shop to sell merch, in the hopes of semi-passively bettering my financial situation. It’s been a long time coming, but I finally stopped making excuses, downloaded a free dupe of Adobe Illustrator, and started cranking out silly things to put on your torso, your phone, and your morning coffee. It’s one of the things that’s seemed impossible for the last several years, that somehow seems manageable now that the clouds have parted.
I also got myself a Passion Planner (this is a referral link) and am working on being better able to visualize my time usage. When I was in college, I used to make myself wall-to-wall schedules for the entire week with every minute planned (including sleep) and it did nothing but make me neurotic, but the Passion Planner is much more helpful in that I can fill in my day as I go along (with fun color gel pens and cute stickers!). If that’s something that would be helpful to you, too, consider joining my #pashfam!